Just Tired Of It.

I'm tired of all the questions, that are constantly asked, because it only reminds me of how miserable this little thing they call disease truly is. It reminds me that it exists, it never leavesno matter how much I want it gone. How much I need it gone. I'm just tired of it.
I'm tired of all these children my age acting like they'll be 17 "forever." Acting like YOLO is a good motto to live by. If only they knew. If only they realized that how they're living will truly hurt them later down the road.
I'm tired of being surprised for the wrong reasons. I'm tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of not being able to know how to help the ones I love. But they know, at least I hope they know, that I am here. I've always been here. To comfort and support. Even when I feel too drained to speak.
Even though I'm tired, I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I've been blessed in so many times of trouble and in times of joy. When I think and count those blessings, I'm no longer tired. I'm more aware and awake than ever. 

DiFfErEnT

I think that's "in" right now and by the time we're all 20 years old, wearing beanies and combat boots with flannels wrapped around our waists. Guys having their haircut like Macklemore and into going up to the mountains and having weird photoshoots with your friends jumping in a weird serious way will all come to an end and we'll be into the next "new thing." To be honest I'm a little too excited about it. I'm kind of sick of the banjos and the weird things that go with it.
So yeah, be you. Everyone is different. You will never find someone who is EXACTLY like you. You don't have to wear mismatched clothes to prove that you're different. You never have to prove that you are different, because you are already different naturally. Be yourself. Be different.

GIF

When I read everyone else's bogs and see how good they are...

Quote?

I think that says it all.

L-O-V-E

We made these promises we knew we wouldn't keep and yet, we believed.
In the beginning, you made me laugh. You impressed me with your whit which is what drew me to you in the first place. You told me you were "lucky." So lucky in fact you even shed multiple tears in front 
of me to prove it. And I fell for it.

If it weren't for the lessons I learned, the heartbreak I felt, the many times I cried over you, correction, the many times I sobbed over you, I would have considered 2013 a waste of my time. But as the clock ticks and the credits roll on our behalf, I am reminded now, how I should be treated, how I deserve to be treated. Don't get me wrong, nobody is perfect. But I guess you forgot that part when you tore down my confidence with masterful manipulation and placing me at your own disposal. 
Like Taylor Swift you were mean. But like John Mayer I always came back to you when you'd beg me to take you back. 

I was naive and mostly blind, newly seventeen and completely lovestruck. Head over heels. You used to be the person I ran to, the person I told everything to, the man I trusted and ultimately loved.
Look closely, because the key words are used to. You are now a stranger, now an old friend, now the boy I used to care for. 

Through all the fighting, the jealousy, the stupidity, and the hypocrisy I closed the curtains. And what do you do? Beg. 

One more kiss, one more hug, one more chance. Why won't I date you. I guess it doesn't even matter because what do you do when I say no? You slip on your mask, turn on your charm for some other girl seconds later. 

What does this make me? The heartbreak-e? The terrible person for "breaking your heart"? No. I'm the one that got away. And stayed away, because after all that time we made promises we couldn't keep. And in the end, I'm tired of believing. 

CRAYONS

This is for the kids who miss nap time. Honestly, we need more sleep. School is too early. To the "early-birds," No one likes you anyways, especially your smiley faces.

This is for the kids who colored outside the lines and their creations were still considered "art." The arts have always been  dangerous terrain.

This is for the kids who miss that feeling of finally taking off the training wheels. You deserve a victory lap with the Rocky Balboa soundtrack blasting in the background. In fact, go do that right now.

This is for the kids who thrived off sugar and juice boxes. There is no debate, apple was the best kind. 

This is for the kids who had to walk to school. Didn't that just build character.

This is for the kids who always got hurt on the playground or in the backyard with the scars to prove it. Your childhood rocked.

This is for the kids who had nightmares after watching The Phantom of the Opera. I hated that movie and am still scared of it to this day. 

And this is for the kids who miss being kids. Childhood are some of the best years of our lives. 

British Accents and Being Adored

Have you ever watched one of those British series? Downton Abbey, The Paradise or Call the Midwife? If so, you will probably understand why I love them so much. The British accents.
Am. I. Right. In every show, in almost every episode I have noticed what the men call their wives and they are perfect. Dear, Darling, My Darling, and My Everything. It gets me every time. I believe that is the greatest way to show endearment.
With it being February and all, I've thought a lot about love. I've realized that I am one of those girls who is over High School relationships, over #WomanCrushWednesday and #ManCrushMonday, over reading too much into tweets, texts, Instagram likes, and all of those stupid games. Someone who is ready to MOVE ON. I'm that girl that loves to watch chick flicks and only dream of being treated the way those girls are treated. And by that I mean, at the very end, when they are simply and completely adored.
 Every girl deserves to be adored.  
I'm ready. Ready to be adored by a man I love. Ready to have those newly married struggles of finishing school while working, being poor, only eating peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwiches and top ramon, because we are simply low on money. As stupid as it sounds, I'm more than excited to have that life with someone I will think the world of.